


Disappointing Geode

by ConstellationConfusion



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sad Logic | Logan Sanders, Trans Character, Trans Logic | Logan Sanders, Trans Male Character, Transgender Logic | Logan Sanders, virgil is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 10:53:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19972867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConstellationConfusion/pseuds/ConstellationConfusion
Summary: Logan came home early from work to surprise Patton, only to find his partner crying in their room and writing him a breakup letter.They weren't supposed to be in the same room when it happened.





	Disappointing Geode

**Author's Note:**

> Logan, a transgender gay male, had come home early from work to find Patton, his cisgender male partner, packing up Logan’s belongings and writing him a letter that he was meant to read when Patton wasn’t there. The unfinished letter described Patton’s desire for the two of them to end their relationship for an undisclosed reason. He had meant for Logan to find the suitcases and letter when he was alone, but had ended up present as the ‘emotionless’ Logan spilled his feelings to his ex.
> 
> This is a human au one-shot based off of the song On the Borderline by Thomas Sanders, as well as my own experience with relationships.

_It’s time to go, and I could not care less. So now I’ll miss the train. A walk’s still progress made, I just won’t arrive quite as fast._

Logan leaned against the frame of his front door, forehead meeting wood, eyes closed, bags packed and waiting on the ~~adorable~~ unfitting pawprint-themed welcome mat outside. His chest ached, and he bit his tongue fiercely to fight the tears that wanted to appear in his eyes.

He could hear Patton slowly making his way to their the entranceway, sniffling.

“Lo… Logan?”

He exhaled shakily, opening his eyes and turning to face ~~his soulmate~~ his ex-boyfriend. They both looked unnatural, and they both knew it.

Patton was wearing an oversized sweater, ruined by too many swipes at a runny nose and tears dripped onto the blue yarn. Logan hadn’t even changed out of his work clothes, neck down he was impeccable, but his face was a grey canvas and his eyes were trying to focus on something, anything but the ~~angel~~ liar in front of him.

“Patton.” Logan addressed the man in front of him. Patton only stared sadly in response. “I don’t need an explanation. I understand. You do not love me anymore, if you ever did, and while I am sure that there is a reasonable explanation for it, I do not need to hear it.”

Tears fell faster down ~~his love’s~~ Patton’s cheeks, prompting a rogue tear to streak down Logan’s face.

“Can- Can I just- just say it… anyways?” He asked, hiccuping and pulling his arms into his abdomen, looking at the rug instead of at Logan’s blank face. Logan didn’t say anything, knowing that Patton would speak no matter what he said.

“I do love you. I promise, I do. But… Logan. You’re a guy. I’m a guy,” Patton began, looking extremely uncomfortable and pushing his glasses up his nose with his sweater paws. “And… you’re, you’re gay. I’m- I’m not.”

Logan’s heart shattered.

What had been his life, the person who he had given everything to, it all unraveled at his feet and tore his soul to shreds as easily as damp paper. To hear Patton himself admit that he did not, or could not, love Logan for who he was? It burned the memories of the five months of absolute bliss to ashes.

“Lo?” Patton whispered, inching forwards, reaching out a hand. Logan instantly took a step backwards in tandem, and Patton’s hand withdrew.

“I… I tried. I tried so fucking hard,” Logan spat, “and I loved you so goddamn much that I actually allowed myself to be vulnerable with you, because I wanted to believe that we would actually work out. I knew that even though I fucking hate myself, hate what I was born as, maybe you could love me for who I was and not what I was.” Logan was crying, his normally immaculate hair falling into his face, yet his expression and body language remained stubbornly stone cold. Patton just shook his head, almost sobbing.

“I tricked myself into believing that if I gave enough of myself to you, or just tried hard enough, you’d maybe, just maybe want to stay. But I also knew that the end was inevitable, and that you will never love me the way I needed you to. You made me happy, so much happier than I ever thought was possible, because I thought that you meant every single kind word that you gave me. I thought that the conversations, the smiles, the laughter we had was real. Maybe it was real to you, maybe you thought you meant it. Maybe you wanted it to be real too. But it wasn’t.”

Both of them were fully crying at this point, Logan hiding behind his glasses, Patton not even attempting to get rid of the tears that flowed steadily off his chin. He looked ~~beautiful~~ pathetic, his baby blue eyes enormous and watery.

“Lo, Logan, baby, I do- I did love you! I promise, what we had was real, but I- but I just can’t-“ Patton cut himself off, stuffing his sleeve into his mouth and biting.

“No, Patton, you didn’t. You didn’t love me, not in the way that I loved you,” Logan replied. “Yes, you know much more about me than you should. Yes, I love you. Yes, I need you. But that doesn’t mean that you should have to force yourself to love me. It will just make the both of us miserable. So I will not pretend that you did not hurt me, because we both know damn well that you have.”

Logan reached out to grip the handle of one of his suitcases. “I do not think that we can be friends as of right now. I…”

For the first time in his life, Logan was lost for words. So instead of trying to search for them, he simply let it be. Patton moved, presumably to hug him one last time, and Logan reacted by turning and walking out the door, dragging his baggage behind him. The door didn’t shut. Not while he loaded his car, not while he collapsed heavily into the driver’s seat, not while he drove away from the place that he had called a home while it lasted.

It was only when he knocked on the door of his friend’s house that his resolve broke, and he had to cover his mouth with his hand to hold back the sob that shook his shoulders and bowed his head.

Virgil answered the door, shocked to find a heartbroken Logan on his doorstep, a breathless mess and begging with his eyes to be comforted.

Logan just wanted to get away from all the memories of happiness and acceptance with the man he once called his lover, because those bittersweet memories would now only be a harsh reminder of what he could never have. The videos playing in his mind would forever be filtered with reality, the reality where he stopped insisting that he was loveable and worth anyone’s precious time.

Virgil gripped Logan’s shoulders soothingly as the boy cried in his arms.

“It’s over.”

_A feeling is not a thing you own, but it can be lost. I just want to be home. ‘Cause home’s where the heart is, and when I departed, I might’ve abandoned them both._

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if there's anything I can fix and/or change.  
> Leave a comment if you enjoyed.


End file.
